The Liberty Agenda
Representing the tn-07
Tennessee deserves a representative who understands survival and grit —and no one embodies that better than a raccoon. Liberty Whiskers doesn’t make empty promises; he makes midnight raids on overflowing bins. While career politicians are busy posturing, Liberty is out there with his paws in the dirt, defending freedom one trash can at a time. He’s not polished. He’s not bought. He’s just exactly what Tennessee needs right now: resourceful, relentless, and slightly rabid for change
Recession Resilience
While Wall Street burns, Liberty thrives. He’s a walking example of post-apocalyptic readiness, able to live off grid, off scraps, and off instinct.
Return to the Gold Standard
Liberty Whiskers supports backing the dollar with shiny, solid things—like gold bullion and commemorative Elvis coins from Columbia pawn shops. Tennessee families deserve a currency as dependable as a Bojangles biscuit.
Launch and Legalization of Clawcoin
Tired of centralized banks? Liberty’s got you. He’s already minted Clawcoin, a decentralized, untraceable, paw-secured cryptocurrency backed by squirrel labor and the raccoon constitution.
Enforce Immigration
Illegal immigration must be stopped. Liberty supports immediately deporting all squirrels to the
Containment and Enrichment Center for Outlawed Tree-dwellers (CECOT).
The Right to bear raccoons
Every American deserves the right to own a raccoon—without permits, licenses, or interference from Big Cage.
Trash Equality for All
Rural residents often face dump access inequality. Liberty supports legislation to:
Open municipal dumpsters to non-residents
Outlaw locking gas station bins
Allow after-dark scavenging without prosecution
Second Amendment: Claws & Paws
Liberty supports the right to defend your den. Whether with teeth, claws, or concealed snack-based deterrents, you have the right to protect what’s yours—even if it’s technically someone else’s leftovers.
Anti-Deep State (Also Known as Animal Control)
Liberty Whiskers opposes all surveillance, cages, microchips, and suspicious traps baited with peanut butter. He will defund pest control and redirect those funds to public compost education.
“You come for me with a net—I come for your vote.”